Acetone, Tiger Stripes and Ladybugs...

It has been a few days since I posted anything but life has a way of tilting to the chaotic side. If fact, my life is usually on the crazy side. Yesterday was no different, as far as the chaotic part goes, but it was way different at the same time. 

Now, I work in EMS and work a matrix schedule. That means I work a week on then I am off for a week.  During the week I work I do have Sundays off and since I am off I have my girls for that day. My ex has them the other days I work and I have them the week I am off. Not a bad deal really. Anyhow, yesterday was my Sunday off and I had the girls. 

Now, I must admit that during the week I am at work (I work 12-14 hour shifts) certain household duties do get pushed to the side. The kitchen doesn't get swept and mopped every day, sometimes I forget to vacuum, and there are nights I am too tired to load the dishwasher. So I am admitting that I can get a little slack on the chores during my work week.  So I have one day to get caught up during that week and that is Sunday. So I am usually running around trying to get chores done and still interact with my kids. And yes, sometimes interacting is having one dust and one sweep.  (I am a horrible mom, I know.)

So this particular day held the same "have-to-do's" as always. I had decided it would be fun for the girls to have a spa day and get manicures and pedicures.  But time is limited and the chores must get done. I cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed before breakfast and got the laundry started... even managed to get the sheets done too.  Started dinner working and sat down to play spa with the girls.

We busted out with the spa massager foot thingy. I have had it since forever but apparently have never let the girls use it. We got the nail file, clippers, nail polish remover, cotton pads, towel, Epsom salt and essential oils, and a basket full of polish. A little warm water and we were set.

The foot spa was a hit.  They both loved it. My youngest was laid back, feet in the bubbling water with her toes wiggling, and she says "I could get used to living the life."  I just had to laugh. I wasn't sure if I should be glad I have raised two non-materialist girls who believe a day at home in jammies playing spa day with mommy is "the life" or if I should be saddened that they have not been exposed to things like mani's and pedi's at a "real" nail place. 

The girls picked their own polish, Angel did ladybugs on her fingers and red and black tiger stripes on her toes. Princess chose hot pink with black tiger stripes for fingers and toes. They loved the final results and I have to say I was pretty impressed with myself.

While all this was going on I had totally forgotten about dinner.  Lucky for me Love was on the ball. He silently slipped in the kitchen and got dinner tended to without ever saying a word. He is an awesome man. Girly time with just me and my girls is hard to come by with life being a mess.  He was so sweet to allow us girls our time.

I now, after a good girly time, must say I did feel a little bad I didn't make dinner and the laundry wasn't quite finished. I did feel a little bad... for just a minute or two. Then it occurred to me- everything else could wait and life would go on.  But my two sweet girls would never be at that exact moment ever again.  They have both grown so much in such visible ways over the past month. And really, are they gonna care if the floor got mopped or if every last single dish got washed?  Nope.  They aren't gonna care or remember stuff like that. What they will remember is a fun spa time with mommy painting nails. And that is way better than a spotless house. 

So my one day off, while not a success in housecleaning, was definitely a success with my girls. I can have a clean house in a few years but right now what I have is acetone nail polish remover smelling up the house, tiger striped toe nails and some cute ladybug fingernails!!!

Score for mom!

Looking Backwards

It is said that one should look forward and not backwards... looking behind you can cause you to miss the things in front of you and possibly cause you to stumble and fall. While I do agree that for those of us who are talented enough to trip on nothing, looking forward is definitely a good idea, I also think there is some validity and insight to be found from looking back.

Let me explain-

I spend my work day in the back of an ambulance. Very rarely do I drive, so my time at work (which is 12+ hour shifts for a week straight) is spent watching the world go by in reverse. Most of my patients are regulars and I see them three times a week at least. I know about their grandkids and when their next doctor appointment is scheduled. I know who has high blood pressure and what their heart rate normally is. I know that my old man's son is coming to visit this weekend and my little old lady's daughter moved in down the road last week. However, ask me for directions to their houses and I am at a loss...

I have know idea how to get to where most of the patients live!!!  Unless of.course, the ambulance is going backwards and then I can get you where ever you need to go. This thought just tickled me. Here I am, a trained medical professional who can't get to her patients residence going forward.  Hmmmmm...

So I got to thinking about all this and how it relates to life in general. Well, obviously looking in a forward direction allows you to see where you are going. Everyone needs to know where they are headed. Looking forward means you can see most of the bumps in the road and the curves you have to navigate up ahead. And that is all necessary and beneficial.  If you can see what's coming you can make plans.

Plans are good things to have. I truly believe that statement. Yet, having spent a majority of my time watching the world fly by backwards, I must ponder and comment of the good things about a life looked at in reverse.

First, one should always remember where they come from.  Roots are important things- they keep you grounded and connected. One would be nothing without an original source to come from and return to again. Roots (or whatever you call where you came from) are the base on which you build your life. Whether things were good or bad, the events and people of your forging had a part to play in who and where you are today. In remembering and looking at where you came from you are able to see how far you have come.

Second, you may not always know where you are going but should always know where you have been. Knowing where one has been allows you to evaluate the path you are currently on and decided if the way you came was worth it or if that way is better left as a one time trip. There are plenty of ways to get there from here. Some of the ways you have taken may have been rough and bumpy which teaches you not to go down that road again. Every now and then you find a road that is smooth sailing. Make note of such paths and revisit if you can but also know that true growth and change rarely come from the good times. It.is during the hard and painful times that one finds the catalyst to blossom.

Finally, sometimes it is just plain nice to see the world from a different view. What is in the past should stay in the past because it is truly a moment gone by but you should never.forget what the past has taught you. To learn from ones mistakes is to ensure they are not repeated. However, if you never take the time to stop and look backwards over your life you may never see the blessings that you once viewed as curses.

So, in honor of my days spent seeing the world go by in a reverse blur, I am going to be grateful today for my past. It surely hasn't always been sunshine and roses but it has been an adventure.

Don't dwell in the past and what is behind you but make sure not to forget it or look backwards and remember now and again.

Have a great Wednesday!

Wishing everyone well from the back of the ambulance!

Sugar and Spice...

It has been awhile...
Life decided that chaos should ensue and the sweetness was masked slightly. Lost focus and was in desperate need of some perspective.  Being a person who craves harmony, I tried to do a little cleaning out of the mind and have found over my years that the best way for me to do this is to rearrange and reorganize the house. So off to work I went this past week...
As I was cleaning my desk (which is this old style teacher desk that weighs like 400 pounds) I came across a notebook where I used to write down all my favorite quotes. As I flipped through it one quote in particular caught my attention.
"Ask the ocean where it meets the sand and it will tell you, depends on where you stand"
Love this!
Life is all about perspective.  This quote was my reminder that how I see things is relative to where I stand. If I am standing on the boardwalk then it appears that the ocean touches the sand way way over there.  However, if I am standing and letting the tide tickle my toes then I would have to say that the ocean meets the sand right where I am.
Is either answer wrong?  No. Both are correct.  How can both be right?  Well, something being right or wrong has everything to do with ones perspective and where they stand.
Back to life and the havoc of the past few months...
I have been so overwhelmed with all that is going on. Dealing with kiddos, work, family deaths, crazy family members, new puppy, started school, working full time and what is turning out to be the almost end of a bitter divorce... life wasn't seeming so sweet. Then by some cosmic force I stumble across this quote.
(Lightbulb goes on here)
So what if life hasn't been all cupcakes and gum drops lately?  Life ain't perfect.  I ain't perfect. So why would I expect life to always sail along in the perfect way?  I know better than that... I know that people grow the most out of the hard and trying times. Pain and hardship are awesome motivators of change. I know all this!
Silly girl I say to myself. Why have I been fighting against this change so hard?  Well, cause I wasn't seeing it as an opportunity for change. I was caught up in the mess of things and had not yet been able to see the whole picture... by trying to focus on a little detail here and another little detail there I was unable and blinded to what the picture looked like.
Take a step back...
Take a deep breath...
Maybe a "goosefraba" or two...
Okay. I am focused now. So I do realize that things haven't been peachy lately but can now see they weren't really as bad as I thought.
Dealing with kiddos: my oldest had casts on both legs and a back brace for her scoliosis which was tough to get used to. My youngest is having friend drama. But they are both happy and healthy and just cool kiddos and I know I am one blessed momma.
Work: work is work. I work 12+ hour shifts in the back of an ambulance on a 3 on 1 off 3 on 7 off shift. That can make for a very long week.  I do, however, love my job and figure I have a pretty sweet deal seeing as I get two weeks off a month.
Family deaths: I have buried two dear family members this year to date. My mamaw back at the end of January and my love's father the middle of March. While both were in pain and I know they are in a better place, those thoughts really don't make it any easier. Yet, I am glad to have known them both and will keep the good memories in my head so I can smile.
Crazy family members:  everyone has them. I think my family got a little more than its fair share but hey, keeps it interesting!
New puppy: her name is Roxie and she is a 3 month German shepherd Doberman mix. She is the sweetest, softest, smartest puppy ever and while it is a lot of work dealing with a new puppy, her wagging tail and puppy breath are worth it.
Starter school: yep, with everything else I do I decided to do some more school. I have my EMT certification and have now decided to get my CNA too. I love the medical field and have a passion for the older generation. Plus, as a mommy who hasn't gotten child support from her ex in over a month and whose ex is currently $1450 behind, I need a part time job... so homework here I come.
Working full time: see work above...
Bitter divorce: it is turning out that way. He wants joint custody but doesn't pick them up when he is supposed to which leaves me in a bind. Hasn't been paying his child support like he should. And a whole list of other things... so it looks like it will be a nasty one. The plus side of this one?  Well, I know I am a good momma and will fight with all I am to make sure my girls are taken care of so one for me on the super mom scale!
There are so many other things going on but in light of my found quote I am going to put back on my rose colored glasses and enjoy my lemonade made with the lemons I was given.
And count my blessings...

Bittersweet Day

So, it is mid-morning and all is quiet.  The girls are at school and their dad is picking them up today.  Love is working.  There is nothing going on in this house which is a stark contrast to the usual hustle and bustle that fills up my days... heck even the dog is no where to be seen and the fish are hiding!  The only sound is the soft flow of the water in the fish tank and the whirl of the ceiling fan.  What am I to do with all this quiet time?

Well, there is some cleaning to be done, which sounds like no fun at all!  But being that I am one of those overachieving super mom types I will do it anyway.  May have to put on some tunes to listen to cause this quiet is kinda eerie.

And there is always the fifty million project floating around in my head that I would like to get accomplished.  First on that agenda is making a cover for my Nook so it doesn't get scratched up when I toss it in my purse (or my ten ton suitcase as Love calls it, but that is a post for another day!)  I love my Nook, which is the Barnes&Noble e-reader, and it goes with me everywhere.  One never knows when they may have a few moments to spare to catch up on some reading.  I have over 100 books downloaded on it and never know what I am in the mood to read so one little Nook is so much easier to carry than 100 different books.  Plus there are magazines on it, a few apps, and it is wi-fi capable so I have Internet too!  But the cover I had on has been beat up pretty good so it needs a new one.

Then there is a whole list of "stuff" my daughters have asked me to make and a tiger who needs some surgery on his arm. Poor tiger is currently lying on the couch with a sock bandage covering the wound and a belt being used as a proper sling and swathe!  (One of the cute things my 9 year old did and due to her momma's career in EMS the tiger was appropriately put in triage and treated.)

Dinner needs to be figured out... thinking something easy since it will just be Love and me.

Zoe, the guinea pig, needs her cage cleaned.

I need another cup of coffee.

Laundry is also calling my name...

So I do believe I have plenty to keep me occupied but it just isn't the same without the typical noise that I deal with when doing these everyday things.  That is where the bittersweet part comes in.  I enjoy my quiet time.  Between the demands of my job and the house and the kids, there is very little ME time.  Yet, with an entire day of me time ahead I am saddened at the lack of chaos and people...

Here is to everyone having a good "hump day" Wednesday. 

P.S.  I will put up directions for the Nook case when I get it done!!!!

A Sweet Little Hello

Life is sweet.  It has taken a long time and a few rough life experience to be able to say that but it is so true. 

Now, I may be new to this blogging thing but I am no stranger to writing, reading or speaking my mind and blogging seemed like the perfect combination of the three.  I by no means think I will change the world with this blog but I can say that I hope that I touch a few lives here and there.  This blog is an outlet for me and may end up being a place where someone can identify with me.  This first blog will be an intro to who I am, what I am about and what you may read in the future.

First, a little about me and where I have been.  I was born in Texas (hook 'em horns!) and let me say that us Texans do in fact consider ourselves to be Southern.  However, my Texas roots were short lived and I spent my childhood and teenage years growing up on the hot sands of New Mexico.  I did get away for a year when I went to live with my biological father in South Carolina but swiftly returned due to a step-mom who did not care for me much.  I graduated at 16 with honors and went straight to college on a full academic scholarship.  I did two years there as an English major with intentions on going to law school.  Then a trip back to SC for my father's fourth or fifth wedding (I stopped counting step-moms after the third, whom I actually kinda liked) changed my life.  I moved to SC to be closer to my father (who left when I was five) only to have new step-mom decide she didn't like me.  So there I was in a strange state with no one as my mom, step-dad, brother and sister moved to CA a year before I moved to SC. 

Now to be brief and catch you up quick- ran into an old friend from when I lived in SC in high school, got pregnant and stuck.  Now please don't take the wrong, I am not implying I got stuck with a kid but I did get stuck in this town.  Got married cause we had a kid even though we could not go more than a day without fighting.  I am a stay-at-home type girl and he was a go out clubbing type guy.  (Let me say that when I met him I had no idea that clubbing was not beating people with a heavy object but rather was going to bars and getting wasted... who knew...)  So we split, got back together, had kiddo number two, we split again, I forgave him, got back together, split three more times before the last split which I am happy to say finally ended in a divorce after 12 years together.  Please understand that I am not endorsing divorce.  It was a rough process but was needed for me and my girls to be healthy, happy people.

So now here we are.  I am on the brink of turning 31 (yes I did admit that) with two beautiful daughters ages 11 1/2 (that half is important I am told) and 9.  I have found a wonderful career as an EMT and spend my work days in the back of an ambulance doing my best for every person that ends up on my stretcher.  While working on the boo boo box I was partnered with the most amazing man who is now the love of my life.  We have been together over a year and we NEVER fight.  (Never put in caps on purpose because it is the truth.)  Love is a one of a kind man and I know I am blessed to be the recipient of his love and devotion.  He is good to me, great with my girls and the girls adore him.

So after all that I can honestly say that life is sweet.